went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize