I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
