Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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