Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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