I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
