Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Someone came in the potted fern
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
