so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
