I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize