We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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