So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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