You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
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