Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
