Whatcha textin bout Willis?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
