I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
