I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
