Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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