im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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