eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Randomize
