i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Is Oprah even human
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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