New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
