Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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