Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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