Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
