i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Buhtt sex?
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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