i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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