if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
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