my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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