I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
you inspire me to be a worse person
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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