I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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