I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
