i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
