How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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