I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize