Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
