When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Boobs are out for the taking
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
