So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
