The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
