i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
