I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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