i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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