she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
