maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
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