Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize