I just saw a hot homeless man
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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