Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
