:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
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