Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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