I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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