Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
