this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
