I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I have fence marks all over my body
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Randomize
