somebody snuck up and got me drunk
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
