im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
