marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
