I hate all girls vehemently.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
