i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
