Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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