I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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