do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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