I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Also, beer. Big fan.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
