Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
