I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
