she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
she pinky promised me she was 18
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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