If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize
