Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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