So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
