The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
