u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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