he puts the penis in happiness.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
