When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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